


Kokichi steals a plane

by 4d6_Psychic_Damage



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, no beta we die like men, planes, the title says it all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29909916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4d6_Psychic_Damage/pseuds/4d6_Psychic_Damage
Summary: Kokichi doesn't like the fact he isn't allowed to go on vacation. So like any rational person does he and a few mostly unwilling others steal a plane
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Kokichi steals a plane

**Author's Note:**

> I rushed this tbh

The morning before a vacation always felt off to Hajime. Sure this wasn't a normal vacation, it was a gift from the plane company after the ultimate inventor created a new kind of airplane technology but it still felt the same. If it was the impatience of the people around you, The cold night that felt almost taboo to be awake he didn't care to ask but the brunette never felt truly at ease during these times. But he couldn't worry about that, not at this time at least, he had the TSA scan to worry about. 

Now most of the time the TSA wasn’t something anyone would pay mind to, an annoyance at best and a time sink at worst but this was different. Sure normally this kind of place could have interesting people to say the least but the ultimates were on a whole nother level. Sure no Karen’s or screaming babies but the blonde yakuza rant to the security guard might as well have been the same thing.

“Listen kid,” the guard said, his wrinkles permanently carved into his brow, “I can't let someone who doesn’t have a title into the premisance.”

“But I do have a talent!” Fuyuhiko yelled “I just can’t tell you for legal reasons.” 

“Sorry Fuyuhiko, no talent to travel.”

And with that the guard lifted Fuyuhiko up and dragged him away by the collar.

“Also Hajime, no talent no flight.”

Well shit. Unlike his blond companion Hajime knew not to talk back to the authorities and with a sigh of disgruntledness he followed the guard to some sort of security room. The first thing he noticed when the door opened was a wave of cold air hitting his face, the second was the colorful faces that filled the office. To his left the shit eating grin of the ultimate supreme leader whispering somethings to the robot, seemingly plotting something Hajime cared little to know. To the right Hiro doing what seemed to be some sort of tarot card reading to an unamused Ryoma. But Hajime didn’t care about them, no he was more afraid of the curly snow haired boy staring him down like a hawk.

“Oh hi Hajime god isn’t this amazing! Being around the talented who are so good they are considered a threat! Doesn’t that fill you with hope!” 

Nagito yelled, a manic laugh following suit. Hajime sighed sitting down on the floor and pretended to sleep. Praying to god, allah, atua or anyone that would listen to him that he would not have to be here anymore. That by some miracle he would be on vacation with some orange juice in one hand and Chika in the other relaxing on the poolside. But for now he was stuck in the office room of a middle aged security guard with the bastards of the ultimate academy around him. 

As the rest of the group fell to sleep cuddled up to each other for warmth Hajime couldn't even manage to close his eyes. The floor felt like a sheet of ice. He wasn’t the only one awake however, Kokichi was still babbling away to Keboo like a Chihuahua, hell he even looked like one from far away. Hajime warped his pillow around his ears in a blunt attempt to mute the two. Finally silence, Hajime could finally drift off to sleep and even if it would just be a night, believe he wasn’t where he was.

The first thing Hajime noticed when he woke up was a thud, the second was a cute girl buckling his seat belt. The brunette was ecstatic, the last night was all just a nightmare and he was souring in the sky ready to take a break. But then he noticed it, this wasn’t a cute girl at all In fact it wasn’t a girl at all. It was Kokichi oma in a flight attendant dress and his iconic bastard grin growing on his face. Hajime sprang up, hitting Kokichi square in the jaw in the process.

He could see the rest of the no fly group panicking, only missing Keebo, Ryoma and the purple haired gremlin Hajime just hit. 

“What the hell is going on?!” Yelled Fuyuhiko, his small body, somehow able to produce that much sound.

“I want my mommy!” Scream cried Hiro, seeming desperate to get off the plane.

“Hope hope hope hope hope hope hope.” Said Komaeda, his calm almost soothing voice muddied by the others.

“EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP I CAN EXPLAIN” scream Kokichi everyone else pausing to stare at the crossdressing purple bitch.

“Alright fuckers listen up because I am not going to repeat it, the airport would not let us fly so I put it in my own hands. I stole this plane and right now if you dont shut this I will send this plane right to the fucking ground.”

The plane fell silent, you could have heard a pin drop or Mikan’s self confidence. The gears turned in these groups, brains finally realizing how fucked everyone was. Kokichis face still smug as they went absolutely ballistic. Praying, screaming, crying it was a fucking shitshow.

“Ne ne ne ne you idiots, I didn't steal a plane.”

Everything fell silent again.

“Keeboy stole the plane, It was my plan but the robot did all the heavy lifting. He is the one in the cock” everyone chuckled at the word cock like a bunch of middle schoolers ``pit. So your life is in his metal hands”

Welp Hajime was calmer, not by a long shot but he was calmer. At Least he was in the hands of someone slightly more safe than Kokichi. Turning to the bathrooms Hajime went to go in, not to shit just to rethink everything and get his story straight for the police in fear of going to jail for the rest of his life. Opening the door he saw Ryoma sitting criss-crossed on the grimmy floor, taking off the wheels of a trolley suitcase. The former tennis player didn't look up the Hajime only saying slightly scooching over giving the the talentless a place to sit. After trying to get comfortable in a place way too small for him Hajime the two sat in complete silence, both waiting for the other to speak. 

“So Ryoma,” Hajime finally piped up “ When this all over and the news swarms us, what are you going to say?” 

“Oh no we are going to die here.” Ryoma retorted “Sure Keebo could have flown the plane with some luck but landing it is a whole different beast. I know him this bot can not land a fucking plane” all in the most inappropriate casual voice. 

“Why are you so casual about this?” Questioned Hajime.

A sudden thud bumped the two up, outside they could hear Hiro yelling and Kokichis laugh.

“ Ne ne ne, I have control over the plane I can do anything I want!”

“ But I thought you said Keebo is flying the plane.”

“I am the only one who can land it. He can fly it but I'm the only one who could get your sorry asses out of here, and I am landing this bitch in D.I.C.E ”

“ Hope hope hope hope hope.”

Ryome didn't react “Oh I have nothing to live for, not sure about you but this is a good thing. Now I would say we have a long ways to go but we dont have a long ways to go because we are going to fucking crash. I mean if you have anything you want to say before we die go ahead and say it because you don't have much time left.”

It took 10 minutes for the oj boy to get all of his feelings out.

“ And every single time I masterbate I think of Nagito and I am not sure if I am gay or I want to stuck my dick in his mouth so he would shut up.”

Hajime cried his eyes flowing down in floods of water. Ryoma still did not flinch however, seeming more interested in the suitcases balls. Getting up and patting Hajime on the back the midget left. Taking the suitcase balls in one hand and a tennis racket in the other. Kokichi was in the hall blabbing away some bullshit. Perfect.

And with the woosh of his hands Ryoma served the suitcase wheel directly into the back of Kokichi’s head making a satisfying crack sound. The grape man was down and everyone was confused. Hiro scrambled towards the cockpit trying not to trip over his own feet. “HEY MAN WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.” Howled the stoner trying but failing to keep his voice calm.  
You know when you give an older person a iphone and they just fumble around with the buttons afraid that one wrong click would lead to disaster? Welp, that was Keboo afraid to even touch anything but the chair. Hiro bull rushed in and in his panic slammed the robot's head into the buttons causing even more panic. Immense screaming and crying came to a woman's voice from a speaker.

“Eyy bitches guess who got this plane tech shit running, that's right me Mui Irmua, I got the best tits and brains in this entire place. This is a pre recorded message that's going to tell you that you activated the landing feature.”

A wave relief hit everyone like a warm blanket, they were safe. Ryoma sighed a disappointed sigh as everyone cheered, while except for kokichi who was still on the floor. They were safe at last. 

“Not to disturb the ultimate presence. I know worthless trash like me should not talk right now.” Said Nagito “but are we going to land on land or water?”. Everyone paused and checked the windows, shit they are going to land on the water. Ryoma did a little fist pump as everyone else screamed.

___________________________________________________________________

“Reporting now on local 10 news 2 waterborne heroes have saved their classmates after a plane crash. The teens Aoi Asahina and Gundham Tanaka managed to swim over to the plane wreck and take the people to shore. While Gundham did use several dolphins to help him swim over we can not understate how important they are to saving the teens.” 

Hajime could hear the reporter from outside his hospital bed. While not severely injured he much preferred the stiff hospital bed and lackluster food to the crowds of journalists who would surly swarm him like sharks. He almost felt like drifting off to sleep when a sudden burst through his door. A girl who he vaguely knew as Maki stared him down.

“Kokichi did this didn't he?” she asked 

“Yup.” respond Hajime.

“I FUCKING KNEW IT.”


End file.
